


The Bug

by minkmix



Category: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers | Ronin Warriors
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkmix/pseuds/minkmix
Summary: This mad old. I'm still transferring the arc.So when Sai gets sick, they all have to rally. Be warned. Sai kicks like a mule.
Kudos: 2





	The Bug

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jink the co author](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jink+the+co+author).



The office was designed to be a pleasant picture of sterile fluorescent tranquility. The semi comfortable faux leather chairs were a soothing beige. The piles of carefully selected reading material had bright cheerful pictures of the nations favorite talk show hosts and country stars featuring the latest of miracle diets.

A low wavering muzak version of Careless Whisper crooned into the top ten back in 1984 by George Michael, now settled in an even Casio keyboard beat and a playful flute. It was all tactfully manipulated for a lulling wait. It was made for sitting in conserved patience for the sweet faced older matron behind the sliding glass window to mispronounce your name and hold open the door within.

But not today.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO IN YOU CAN'T MAKE ME-HELP!"

Ryo pried Sai's hands off the door jamb and secured his arms around Sai's waist. "Ready Rowan?" Ryo panted.

Taking his shoulder to Sai's chest, Rowan shoved as hard as he could. Rowan shut the door behind him and smiled kindly to the startled woman in the sitting room, clutching her Better Home & Gardens in one hand and her purse in the other.

Ryo and Sai had both landed in a desperate tangle on the floor. Ryo being almost overwhelmed by the fierce wrestling match Sai was engaging him in.

"Uh uh." Rowan said leaning down to get Sai in a hammer hold, threading his arms through Sai's and locking his hands behind Sai's neck.

"UNHAND ME."

Ryo whistled and staggered to a stand. "Thanks, he almost got away from me."

"Let's have a seat shall we?" Rowan nodded to a few chairs.

"Kay," Ryo said quickly picking up a Sports Illustrated and shoving it in his mouth to free his hands. "'eady?"

"Yup." Rowan lunged backward into a seat while Ryo grabbed Sai's legs so he wouldn't start kicking. After a few moments of re-arrangements and minor struggle, Sai was secured firmly across their laps.

"AHHHGHGGH!" Sai yelled face down in Rowan's pant leg.

Ryo sat back, arms locked over Sai's legs and flipped open his magazine.

"We're next." Rowan explained with a smile to the woman who had now moved across the room to avoid being hurt. The lady glanced nervously at the door. Sai sobbed into his lap.

"Let ME GO! Please, I'm feeling FINE!"

. "Chill out, dude." Ryo hunched over some more, regaining what little ground Sai had managed to steal. "Do you wanna read a HighLights?"

"NO!" Sai tried clawing his way across Rowan's lap.

A white clad nurse entered the waiting room with a clipboard. "Mouri?"

A small pathetic cry rose from Sai. Ryo regretfully put down his Sport Illustrated, gripping Sai around the legs in a firm hold. Rowan held him by the back of his belt and his waist. Sai was groping vainly for something to grab onto.

"That's us!" Rowan winked to the old lady hiding behind her magazine.

"No! Nooo! My name is er, Hellkite! Eh, Miyazaki! Kokokichi!!!" Sai was desperate.

Her expectant smile faded and her clip board went up protectively to her chest as they carried him through the foyer.

"Hi." Rowan nodded smartly at the Nurse who raised her eyebrows.

"Ahem, Mr.Mouri?"

"Here he is!" Ryo beamed, hefting him.

"NOOOO! NO! NO! NO!" Sai screamed, kicking.

The Nurse nodded. "I see. And you are?"

"Don't worry, while we're around he won't bolt." Ryo winked.

"Well, um, that room over there." She pointed with her pen. "Tell your uh friend? To put a gown on and the doctor will be with you shortly."

"Right-o." Rowan saluted.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Sai screamed as he was carried away. "I WANT THE FLU!!! GIVE ME THE FLU!!!"

"We'd gladly give it to ya, if you didn't already have it Sai." Rowan sighed, kicking the door open.

"Well," Sai sniffed. "I wouldn't have it if you hadn't made out with all those banisters at the mall!"

Rowan shrugged, "Hey, it was one banister and it was asking for it." 

It took longer than expected to get Sai secured in the examination room. He had managed to escape once through a careless lapse in attention and a sneak attack kick to Rowan's head. He darted down the hall to what he thought was freedom but only got as far as the elevator. Seiji was already waiting inside as the doors opened, his arms crossed. Sai did not give hope. "This isn't the only way out of this place!" He cried out defiantly.

"Kento's in the stairwell." Seiji informed him casually.

Sai's jaw dropped, his spirits dashed. "Nooo!" He moaned to the sky, falling to his knees. Rowan and Ryo  
caught up with him then.

"Dude, you gotta go!" Ryo was exasperated. 

"Yeah, Seiji's got every exit in this joint covered!" Rowan said. They both grabbed Sai and dragged his limp, hopeless form back to the examination room.

"Nice room!" Rowan announced as they lugged Sai back through the door. "What do ya think Ryo?"

"Smells weird." Ryo said absently, kicking the door closed behind him. "On the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three!"

Rowan clasped Sai around the waist and set him on his feet, securing one arm behind his back.

"OW!"

"Sorry Sai." Ryo said apologetically. "But its for your own good."

He sighed, rummaging through the metal drawers. He pulled out a paper hospital gown and shook it loose. Sai had managed to break free of Rowan's hold and was frantically backed up into a corner. Rowan stood guard at the door. Ryo approached Sai carefully.

"C'mon dude, be good?" He asked. "Don't make us use force."

Sai was offended.

"I am NOT wearing that..." Sai groped for a word. "....that Christmas paper!" Sai crossed his arms and pouted.

"Wear it and you can have a whole can of frosting for lunch?" Ryo promised.

"NO!"

Rowan coughed and lowered his voice.

"Lissen, don the deli wrap and I've got some photos of my mom in the buff?" He winked. Sai was horrified.

"NO!"

Rowan scratched his head.

"Kento?"

"NO!"

Ryo sighed.

"Have it your way, dude."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door opened and the doctor walked in. He stood for a moment looking hesitantly at Sai with his arms entangled in his sweater and Rowan yanking his jeans down to his knees. Ryo was prying the sweater off above Sai's muffled protests.

"May I...help you?" The doctor cleared his throat.

"Nah," Rowan did not look up. "We'll be done in a sec."

Ryo backed away quickly, ripping the sweater off as he dodged a fist to the jaw. Once Sai's pants were down, Rowan lifted his struggling fury, slammed him onto the freshly laid paper crispness of the table and sat on him.

"He's all yours doc." Rowan wiped his hands.

Sai whimpered and sniffled with his pants around ankles.

"I want out!" He sobbed.

"Calmly, Mr. Mouri. You're going to be just fine." The doctor flipped through his chart, perusing it.

"He's from another country. " Rowan mentioned helpfully. "Hasn't had all his shots yet."

"SHUT UP!" Sai sobbed.

"He probably needs, like 8 or 9?" Ryo commented, his arms folded behind his head.

"At least!" Rowan nodded authoritatively.

"WILL the two of you hush??!" Sai went ballistic.

"Actually, we think he's got the flu." Rowan explained.

"I do no-no-AA-CHOO!" Sai's sneeze erupted and he sniffed. " I do not!" He exploded into a fit of coughing.

"Bad." Rowan added.

"I see." The doctor cleared his throat and approached as professionally as he could. "Well, I'll have to assess that. Would you two please wait outside?"

Rowan and Ryo simultaneously shook their heads. Ryo pulled the Sports Illustrated out of his pocket, took a seat by the door and started reading.

"Nah, we're cool. " Ryo flipped a page. "Let us know when you're done k, doc?"

"What about your hippopotamus oath???" Sai looked pleadingly after him as the doctor got a flat wooden stick. "I thought doctors were supposed to heal people, not torture them!"

"Yeah, torture is a dentist's job." Rowan grinned. Sai continued to wig as the doctor approached.

"This won't hurt," the doctor assured him.

"Then do it to yourself!" Sai snarled, trying to embed his teeth in the doctor's hand. The doctor ignored him.

"Let him up please?"

Rowan freed Sai only long enough to capture him again, setting him firmly down on his lap in a bear hug. Sai heaved like the sea, squirming like a desperado.

"Can you say AH?"

Sai shook his head. "MM-mm!"

Rowan pinched him. "Yer makin this job a lot harder than it is, Sai. We could have been gone 2 hours ago."

"I'm really not all that sick... AACHOO!"

"You look how you feel, dude."

Sai gagged while the doctor looked down his throat.

"Well, that looks fine. Everything seems to be in order here."

Rowan let Sai break free from his lap under a coughing, sniffly vow that he would not try to escape. Sai watched the doctor like a hawk. 

"What's that?" Sai wigged.

The doctor tried to smile reassuringly. "It's a chart with your name on it."

Sai pointed in fear. "And that??"

Rowan sighed. "Sink."

The doctor took Sai's wrist and nodded. "Likely, you just have a touch of flu." He murmured.

Sai was very relieved. "Well jolly good to hear that, nice meeting you Doctor. Goodbye!" Sai lunged for the doorknob, pants missing or no. Ryo slapped it away.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The remainder of the checkup went relatively routinely until the hernia check and the doctor received an offended slap across the face.

"Well, I never!"

"Geez Doc." Rowan rolled his eyes. "Ya didn't even buy em a drink first!"

"Face the wall please." The Doctor ordered. Rowan knew without looking that Sai was blushing to death.

After Sai was assured that the hernia test was, indeed, a legitimate medical examination and not a come on, he allowed the procedure to proceed with only one protestation. "There really is an awful lot of handling going on for a hernia check!  
I think I would know if I had a bloody hernia or not!"

"Cough please." The doctor said.

Sai could not help but obey. Rowan nudged Ryo who had also been ordered to face the wall. "Am I evil if that just got me hot?"

Ryo, with a small shake of his head and a slight roll of the eyes, didn't award Rowan with an answer.

Rowan turned around when it was deemed safe. Sai was a telltale shade of crimson.

"Hey doc, can you show me how to do that so I can practice at home?"

Sai scowled. "Rowan! Don't be disgusting!"

"C'mere Ryo, lemme check if you got a hernia." Rowan made a playful grab for Ryo's jeans.

"Hey, get off!" Ryo swiftly recoiled.

They were interrupted by the loud snap of a rubber glove.

"Mr. Mouri," the Doctor explained patiently. "It is required of all males your age an examination for prostate cancer."

"But I'm only twenty-two!" Sai protested weakly.

"Yeah, yeah check his prostate!" He cheered.

Sai was in a panic. "Shut up!"

"Use stirrups!" Rowan added.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You are not a citizen of this country?" The Doctor frowned looking down at Sai's chart.

"Nope." Rowan said. "He drifted over on an uncharted inner tube from England."

"I see," the doctor murmured. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, according to the immigration laws, you must be vaccinated with at least two doses of live rubella."

"Live what?" Sai squeaked.

"Rubella." Rowan said. "It's a disease that rots your brain and makes ya infertile."

Sai snorted.

"Two doses of live THAT? No thank you very much!"

Rowan looked over the doctor's shoulder.

"And according to this chart, you're also missing this, that and the other thing." He informed him brightly.

"He means measles, mumps and polio," the doctor interpreted.

Sai's mouth fell open."You've got to be joking!"

The doctor pulled a cloth from a gleaming jar of shiny needles.

Rowan whistled, raising his blue eyebrows.

"Wow. Sucks to be you Sai."

Ryo's eyes were wide. He grimaced.

"Wow, is that for a horse?"

Sai turned pale and then promptly fainted.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sai woke up secured over a knee. He groaned. Rowan's voice cut through the fuzz that was his hearing.

"Well Sai, we all discussed this and we decided the most non-traumatic, painless way to do this would be on the ass."

Sai's face screwed up miserably and he began to whimper. Ryo's hand patted his leg.

"C'mon dude, it won't be that bad?" He tried.

"NOT THAT BAD?" Sai repeated incredulously. "What can you possibly mean by that? I don't think it can get any worse!"

Ryo sighed and gave Sai a look of pity. He turned to the doctor. "Doc, is there any way we could, like, slip him a mickey? Cuz like, I think he's gonna kick ya. And, uh, he's a lot stronger than he looks."

"One jab to the temple and you'll be hurtin." Rowan patted Sai's ass. "He's a mule."

The doctor smiled patiently as he filled the syringe.

"Why can't you just give them to Rowan?" Sai pleaded. "He likes them?"

"I'm afraid we can't do that Mr. Mouri. Do you WANT to catch yellow fever and the plague?"

"YES! YES PLEASE!"

At the doctor's solemn nod, Rowan tugged Sai's boxers down.

"STOPPIT! UNHAND ME!"

The doctor approached, a fresh, cold alcohol swab at the ready. "Well lets get started. We've got 7 more to go."

Seeing the situation had turned serious, Sai began pleading some more, kicking helplessly. "Money? I've got money!" Sai attempted to grab the edge of the table and claw his way to safety. Ryo was humming off tune to the muzak version of Smooth Operator playing over the speaker as the doctor closed in.

Many screams later....

"No Rowan, I've changed my mind." Sai waved his hand. "I would like a cream soda please?"

Rowan pouted, "But I just ran three blocks to pick up this Root beer!" He whined.

"Yes, but now I would like a cream soda."

"We don't have any cream soda!" 

Sai's lower lip began to tremble. Rowan cursed and got his jacket. "Do ya want more syrup on yer ice cream, Sai?" Ryo asked, holding the Strawberry Quik bottle over the whipped cream concoction on the coffee table. "What channel do you want, Sai?" Ryo had the remote in his other hand, ready to control it at Sai's whim.

"Hmm...Oh! The Jungle Book is playing now on the Disney channel!" A static line rippled through the picture. Sai frowned. "Ryo! Transmission?"

"Oh," Ryo dropped the Quik. He picked up the antenna and slowly moved until Sai halted him. "That better?" He was on one foot, his arm extended over his head. Sai nodded, reaching over to pick up a tiny silver bell. At its chime, Kento walked in silently carrying a bowl of freshly chipped ice. Sai pulled the ice pack from under his bottom and waited patiently, hands  
folded, as Kento refilled it. "Oh!" Sai rang the bell again vigorously, calling. "Seiji? Seiji! Have you finished massaging the fish?"

All that was heard in response was the toilet flushing.


End file.
